A tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! James 3:5-6,9-10 NLT
For whatever is in your heart determines what you say. Matthew 12: 34 NLT
1. WHAT HAVE OTHERS CALLED YOU?
Then the king ordered Ashpenaz, his chief of staff, to bring to the palace some of the young men of Judah’s royal family and other noble families, who had been brought to Babylon as captives. “Select only strong, healthy, and good-looking young men,” he said. “Make sure they are well versed in every branch of learning, are gifted with knowledge and good judgment, and are suited to serve in the royal palace. Train these young men in the language and literature of Babylon….The chief of staff renamed them with these Babylonian names: Daniel was called Belteshazzar. Hananiah was called Shadrach. Mishael was called Meshach. Azariah was called Abednego. Daniel 1:3-4;7 NLT
DANIEL MEANS “GOD IS MY JUDGE”
BELTESHAZZAR MEANS “LADY, PROTECT THE KING”
HANANIAH MEANS “YAHWEH HAS BEEN GRACIOUS”
SHADRACH MEANS “I AM FEARFUL OF GOD”
MISHAEL MEANS “WHO CAN COMPARE TO MY GOD? NO ONE!”
MESHACH MEANS “I AM DESPISED, CONTEMPTIBLE, & HUMILIATED”
AZARIAH MEANS “YAHWEH HAS HELPED”
ABEDNEGO MEANS “THE SERVANT OF NEBO”
2. WHAT HAVE YOU SPOKEN OVER YOURSELF?
Zechariah said to the angel, “How can I be sure this will happen? I’m an old man now, and my wife is also well along in years.” Then the angel said, “I am Gabriel! I stand in the very presence of God. It was he who sent me to bring you this good news! But now, since you didn’t believe what I said, you will be silent and unable to speak until the child is born. For my words will certainly be fulfilled at the proper time.” Luke 1:18-20 NLT
WHAT YOU CONTINUE TO SPEAK IN YOUR LIFE YOU WILL EVENTUALLY LIVE IN YOUR LIFE.
3. WHAT IS YOUR TRUE IDENTITY?
After a very hard delivery, the midwife finally exclaimed, “Don’t be afraid—you have another son!” Genesis 35:17 NLT
Rachel was about to die, but with her last breath she named the baby Ben-oni Genesis 35:18 NLT
Then the man said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” “What is your name?” the man asked. He replied, “Jacob.” “Your name will no longer be Jacob,” the man told him. “From now on you will be called Israel, because you have fought with God and with men and have won.” Genesis 32:26-28 NLT
'“Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches. To everyone who is victorious I will give some of the manna that has been hidden away in heaven. And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands except the one who receives it.' Revelation 2:17 NLT
Lift Their Lid
Parenting With Purpose – Week 2
LIFT THEIR LIDS
“IS YOUR CEILING GOING TO BE THE FLOOR, THE FOUNDATION, THAT YOUR KIDS ARE GOING TO BUILD THEIR LIVES ON, OR IS YOUR CEILING GOING TO BE A LID THAT HINDERS THEIR GROWTH?”
WE ARE ALL IMPARTING OUR VALUES, BELIEFS, ATTITUDES AND HABITS TO OUR KIDS OR THOSE WHO WE ARE POURING IN TO
“Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians
CHILDREN ABSORB WHAT THEY CONSISTENTLY HEAR
WHAT MESSAGES ARE WE ABSORBING EVERY DAY?
“CHOOSE THE RIGHT FILTER: ARE WE FILTERING GOD’S WORD THROUGH THE MESSAGES OF OUR FAVORITE NEWS OUTLET, OR ARE WE FILTERING THE NEWS THROUGH THE TRUTH, GRACE, AND LOVE OF GOD’S WORD.” – PASTOR SCOTT WILSON
“WISE PARENTS CELEBRATE THE DIFFERENCES!”
“After the death of Moses the Lord’s servant, the Lord spoke to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ assistant. He said, “Moses my servant is dead. Therefore, the time has come for you to lead these people, the Israelites, across the Jordan River into the land I am giving them. I promise you what I promised Moses: ‘Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you— from the Negev wilderness in the south to the Lebanon mountains in the north, from the Euphrates River in the east to the Mediterranean Sea in the west, including all the land of the Hittites.’ No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you. “Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do.” Joshua
“Joshua son of Nun, the servant of the Lord, died at the age of 110. They buried him in the land he had been allocated, at Timnath-serah in the hill country of Ephraim, north of Mount Gaash. After that generation died, another generation grew up who did not acknowledge the Lord or remember the mighty things he had done for Israel.” Judges
HAS YOUR LID BEEN LIFTED?
WE CAN’T LIFT THE LIDS OF THOSE WE ARE POURING IN TO UNLESS SOMEONE HAS LIFTED OUR LID
“WE POINT THEM TO THE KINDNESS, JUSTICE, AND RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD AS THE ANTIDOTE TO RACISM, GENDER BIAS, A POVERTY MINDSET, AND AGE DISCRIMINATION. AND WE NOTICE WHAT THEY DO WELL SO THEY’LL BELIEVE THEY CAN BE MORE AND DO MORE THAN THEY EVER IMAGINED.”
WHAT VALUES OR LIDS AM I CURRENTLY IMPARTING IN MY CHILDREN OR THOSE WHO I INFLUENCE?
“YOU CANNOT CHANGE WHAT YOU DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE” – DR. PHIL
“God, I invite your searching gaze into my heart. Examine me through and through; find out everything that may be hidden within me. Put me to the test and sift through all my anxious cares. See if there is any path of pain I’m walking on, and lead me back to your glorious, everlasting way— the path that brings me back to you.” Psalms
“WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU AS A CHILD WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, BUT WHAT YOU DO WITH IT WHEN YOU’RE AN ADULT IS YOUR CHOICE.”
“THE GOAL IS TO CREATE A CLEAR, COMPELLING VISION OF WHAT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL ABOUT.” – STEPHEN COVEY
WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR CHILDREN?
WHAT ARE YOUR TOP PRIORITIES?
WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE SCRIPTURES?
ARE THERE ANY VALUES THAT YOU INHERITED FROM YOUR PARENTS THAT YOU WANT TO CONTINUE…OR STOP?
WHD DO YOUR KIDS LIKE MOST ABOUT BEING PART OF YOUR FAMILY?
COMPLETE THIS STATEMENT: “WE BELIEVE GOD WANTS US TO _________”
“A WRITTEN DECLARATION ISN’T A GUARANTEE OF FAMILY SUCCESS, BUT IT CAN HELP ESTABLISH A FAMILY’S IDENTITY EVEN AS IT REINFORCES WHAT IS IMPORTANT.”
“IT’S NOT WHAT WE DO ONCE IN A WHILE THAT SHAPES OUR LIVES. IT’S WHAT WE DO CONSISTENTLY.” – TONY ROBBINS
“What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” A. W. Tozer
NEEDS TO BE MET BY MOTHERS
Safety comes in the form of a person.
The Soviet Union did an experiment many years ago where they took infants and only gave them their basic needs food and sleep, but no human contact or nurturing and most of them died. It is why skin-to-skin is so vital in babies and the miracles of that concept with premature babies is amazing because, Without nurture, we wither.
We aren’t born trusting; trust is learned. That our interactions form trust and most of our EI comes from our relationship with our Mother
Belonging and Invitation
Feeling wanted is not an intellectual exercise, but a relational one. You can’t say you are wanted you have to experience in a relationship. They want me around!
Someone to Love
The development comes not from being loved but by loving.
Godly attributes are found in Mothering. We were created in his image.
“Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!” Isaiah 49:15 NLT
TYPES OF MOTHERS
The Phantom Mom
emotionally unavailable. Present physically but not emotionally. You lack that connection which causes detachment Which makes it hard for you to emotionally connect with other people and the problem is you don't just magically start emotionally connecting you have to make conscious decisions on how to start bringing that into your life because it's not a Behavior you learned as a child.
The China Doll Mom
fragile, unable to deal with stress. We tend to learn how to deal with emotions through our mothers how to deal with some of those stressful emotional things so if your mom is very fragile and unable to deal with stress and she was this China Doll it causes you to have this lack of being able to contain your emotions. When you're a kid You don't just have emotions you are emotional and your mother helped you try to contain those emotions and teach you that unless she didn't learn that as a child and so she is very stressed out doesn't know how to contain them then that's to learn Behavior you gather from them.
The Controlling Mom
unable to empower, release. Lack of making your own decisions. You feel like you are not in control some else is. You become timid never take a risk.
The Trophy Mom
Accept you if you perform. You feel like you have to prove you are worthy to be loved. You struggle with imperfections.
The Still-the-Boss Mom
The goal as you age into adulthood is that you actually become friends with your parents you enjoy your parents unfortunately some Dynamics is it doesn't matter if you're 40 years old 50 years old I'm still the boss and you're still the little child in my mind the way I treat you. Which then can cause you to always feel like you're less than with other leaders and other people or you go the opposite and you have to dominate because you're insecure and you keep people down.
NEEDS TO BE MET BY FATHERS
Unconditional, expressed love
Unconditional which means there are not limits or bars to reach AND IT IS EXPRESSED. Many adults say they have never heard their Dad say I love you!
Security and Comfort
When Dad is home I am safe. We are protected.
Praise and Affirmation
Not just saying I love you but I see you and the value that is in you and calling that out!
Dad is a provider. He takes care of my needs. I feel secure.
Purpose in Life
That he lets them know they can make a difference in this world and they will be great men and women as they grow.
So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15 NLT
According to the Life Application Bible,
“In Roman culture, the adopted person lost all rights in his old family and gained the rights of a legitimate child in his new family. He became a full heir to his new father’s estate. Likewise, when a person becomes a Christian, he or she gains all the privileges and responsibilities of a child in God’s family.”
TYPES OF FATHERS
demand obedience and performance. No rest always striving always proving yourself and your well. Never good enough.
home but not home, roommate. There but not there. Comes home and zones out and never involved in their life. Lack of emotion, passion, initiative can develop in adults.
simply not around. Either left or travels so much that they miss a lot of life. You lack intimacy and fear people will always leave you or not be there.
prioritize the law over love. Follow my rules. You better obey me! So you always look at rules over relationships as you grow up You fear always failing and the punishment that will follow that.
emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive. He is supposed to protect you, and love you, and affirm and As you grow it can cause Shame, guilt, anger, lack of trust.
Now you may be saying Pastor Mike I don't really deal with either one of those I have a father that was good and a mother that was good and they provided cared for they were present make nurtured me love me. that's phenomenal and those are wonderful things and I am so glad that you were experienced as a child was that. I will say though this that the distance between a dysfunctional and abusive parent and a good parent is this (Show with hands) what the distance between good and perfect is this and how good your parents are there are not perfect like your God is and we still need to rise above the good to experience the perfect love and relationship with God. How do we move Beyond good to perfect or how do we move Beyond abusive distant and hurtful relationships with our parents to a perfect relationship with God?
How many people when you go out to eat with your kids and they get a kids menu one of the games on there is two pictures that look identical except there are ten or so things in the picture that are different and your objective is to Circle and find what is difference between the two pictures. the same is true with the when we've you got with there are Godly attributes he places in both of our parents however they're not perfect and they've experienced things and so you got to recognize and I asked how is God different than my parents?
this is not dishonoring to your parents and it's not bashing your parents it's what we need for healing and how we move forward for the healthy view of God for ourselves and also transfer that to our children.
what you experienced as a child is not your fault what you do as an adult is your responsibility. Have you ever known something was wrong but you were too busy to deal with it or you procrastinated and forgot to do with it? like a light bulb goes out and what are your kitchens you keep forgetting to go to the store to buy a lightbulb so you just go weeks and weeks with a dim room. or there's up toilet that just runs a little bit and you just live with it even though it makes your water bill go up. or maybe your wife tells you over and over that she needs new windshield wipers and you keep forgetting and then when it rains she's driving in dangerous ways through a storm barely be able to see through her windshield. I mean I would never do any of those things those are not examples of me another imperfect people.
So many times that's us in life. we know there's things that need to be addressed and fixed we just muscle through it we just ignore it we just act like we can push it off but it's causing us to live a life with a dim view and we are not able to see clearly it is costing us in ways sometimes we don't even understand.
There are distinct differences between your Earthly parents and your heavenly father and you've got to recognize it.
'See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!
1 John 3:1 NLT
The Lord’s loving kindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23 NASB
Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close. Psalms 27:10 NLT
Give yourself permission to feel to grieve and investigate those differences. to be honest with yourself.
I had to investigate those incorrect views of God based on the way I was raised in therapy. through therapy I started identifying hurts from my past I started remembering occasions in my life. Through therapy I started realizing that I had to learn to cope with some dysfunctions from my childhood survive through painful moments and as I became an adult I started responding to people in situations out of an instinctive nature that was unhealthy not a conscious decision to be healthy. you got to recognize these things or you can't walk towards health.
You're going to have to give your parents a gift that humanly speaking they may not deserve. That gift is forgiveness. it's not letting them off the hook and it's not saying that what they did was right and not wrong. It's saying I'm releasing them to God. I'm not the judge he is, I'm not the corrector he is and I'm not the creator he is.
Story of Monkeys in India and the hollowed-out coconuts.
I do know this… Unforgiveness is more about you than the other person involved… Unforgiveness impacts your life far more than the other person… Unforgiveness is far beyond the offense and if we do not understand that it will destroy us… Resentment points your anger and animosity toward a person or a situation… When resentment controls us it tells ourselves that this person or situation is keeping us from happiness or joy… We make a person or situation our focal point for happiness…
Surely resentment destroys the fool Job 5:2
Resentment destroys us… It controls us… It becomes what we focus on and think about… We tend to get any quiet times we focus on the person and the incident… We have imaginary conversations with that person if we had the opportunity to tell them how we feel… It becomes all consuming.
Bitterness becomes something deeper because it goes beyond the person or the situation…. It becomes your outlook on life… It starts creeping into every area of our life… No longer are we upset at just the one incident or person, but we start seeing it impact other areas of our life and we are more sensitive in other areas of our life…
Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. Hebrews 12:14-15
The writer of Hebrews refers to bitterness as a POISONOUS ROOT… That it grows in our hearts and is poison to our life. Roots do 3 things.. ROOTS ABSORB, STORE, AND GROW.
So a root of bitterness is going to absorb every negative feeling that surround resentment and bitterness… Anger, hurt, jealousy, hate, vengeance, retribution, sadness, broken heart, pain…
Then it stores it…. It harbors those feelings… Those feelings start to become a part of you… Now sadness defines, anger defines you… heart ache defines you… You start to realize that joy, happiness, and peace is the rarity not the norm in your life….
It starts to grow… Now what was a bad situation now is monumental… Now it is like a domino effect in your life that and more and more effects you and maybe people offend often that in the past never would… Then many times DEPRESSION starts to creep in and take up residence in your heart and mind….
Then Hebrews says it CORRUPTS MANY… That it starts to effect our relationships… Marriages, with our children, family members, our friends… We start bearing the fruit of bitterness
We see bad in others
We justify criticizing and gossiping
We secretly celebrate other misfortunes
We bring people down/.
'For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world... Ephesians 6:12 NLT
The devil wants to use the shortcomings of your parents to keep you from walking in an intimate relationship with God to keep you from your god-given identity in him. the reality is true hurt people hurt people and the shortcomings of your parents is a domino effect of what they've experienced in life. there is the truth about something called a generational curse and unfortunately negative things compound and they grow through generation after generation. However, all authority is in Jesus when we recognize and we release we have the authority in the name of Jesus to reject those negatives.
We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 NLT
Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. James 1:17 NLT
Whatever pain you experienced whatever loss you've experienced do those parental figures in your life you must start replacing the pain with God's truth and filling those voids with God himself. he will never leave you or forsake you, cast your cares upon Him for he cares about you, he made you wonderfully complex oh, you are his workmanship oh, he hold you in the palms of his hands, his eyes search and find you, never can you escape his presence. THE PROMISES GO ON AND ON!
'And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.' Romans 8:38-39 NLT
That we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony
“By faith Moses’ parents hid him for three months after he was born because they saw he was no ordinary child and they were not afraid of the king’s edict” Hebrews 11:23.
Mother’s protect us in many ways:
-Physically: protect us from danger
-Morally: by teaching us right from wrong
-Emotionally: shield us from things they know will hurt us
-Spiritually: teach us to love and serve the Lord
This letter is from Paul, chosen by the will of God to be an apostle of Christ Jesus. I have been sent out to tell others about the life he has promised through faith in Christ Jesus. I am writing to Timothy, my dear son. May God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord give you grace, mercy, and peace. Timothy, I thank God for you—the God I serve with a clear conscience, just as my ancestors did. Night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. I long to see you again, for I remember your tears as we parted. And I will be filled with joy when we are together again. I remember your genuine faith, for you share the faith that first filled your grandmother Lois and your mother, Eunice. And I know that same faith continues strong in you.
2 Timothy 1:1-5 NLT
The mothering heart teaches their children a few things:
-Teaches them about Jesus
They should hear about Jesus from you first.
-Teaches them the Bible
(Read to them in whatever stage they are in)
-Teach them the importance of attending church
Be the example by making it a priority and actually going.
“But the child’s mother said, ‘As surely as the Lord lives and as you live, I will not leave you.’”
2 Kings 4:30
-Listen with compassion
Hear them and let them know you are a safe place
Share guidance and wisdom
Challenge them on their journey, help them push through
-Give them opportunity
Help them to progress in their call, give them resources and connections.
“And she made a vow, saying, ‘O Lord Almighty, if you will . . . remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life’” 1 Samuel 1:11.
There are three things that we can learn from Hannah.
1. God answers prayer concerning our children
2. To release our children to the Lord to use them as He sees fit.
3. To support our children in doing the Lord’s will.
Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother.
-Moms don’t give up!
-Always be their home